1. Is it ok to watch TV when you get back to your hotel room on your wedding night?
2. I wonder if I can get away with putting a label that says ‘Don’t eat any of the red ones’ on the sweets table.
3. Will I have time to watch the Coronation Street omnibus while I’m getting ready?
4. The honeymoon will be the perfect opportunity to grow my over-plucked eyebrows back.
5. If only you could legitimately put DVD box sets on a wedding list.
6. I’m so glad I didn’t get a wedding dress that meant I had to reduce my cheese consumption.
7. I can’t wait to let the power that comes with wearing a wedding dress go straight to my head.
8. I hope nobody tries to make friends with us on our honeymoon.
9. Bank balance-wise, eloping would have been a much better choice.
10. The plus-side to the wedding being over is that I’ll have more ambitious things on my to-do list than ‘Find tongs small enough to pick a marshmallow out of a jar’.
11. Having so much time off emptying the dishwasher should not be the most exciting thing about going on a honeymoon. And yet it is.
We appear to have parallel bride lives. Right down to the tongs.
On our honeymoon in Salzburg, a really chatty bloke got on our minibus at a pick-up point and sat next to us, wittering away.
I prayed really hard for him to go away, and when we got to the start of the tour proper, he got put on a different minibus.
St Jude is you man – even if you're an atheist.