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Years ago a man I liked took one look at my double jointed elbows and ran away because they made him feel sick.
I wasn’t expecting that, and clearly neither was he.
Both my arms bend further than your average limb – ‘hyperextension’ is the formal term, for the scientists amongst you. It actually means I’m extra flexible which is pretty cool and useful should you happen to drop your keys or wallet down the back of a radiator, but this guy clearly hadn’t done his research.
But never mind, it clearly wasn’t meant to be. Me and my bendy arms are very much a package deal and if you don’t like them, I’m going to have to leave you to retrieve your lost belongings by yourself.
But I must admit this little episode did make me a bit nervous. There’s already enough to consider when you’re trying to meet somebody – the cleanliness of your hair, the smoothness of your skin, the careful planning involved with arriving precisely on time for a date so as not to look too eager or aloof…
You can’t be worrying about what people are going to think of all the little quirks and imperfections that make up who you are as well. They’re just part of the deal, and the right person will like them. I mean, they’ll have to, you can’t change into somebody else.
Without quirks we’d all be super dull. I cry when I laugh – and I don’t mean just a few tears, I mean like I’ve just been told that my guinea pig has died – but I wouldn’t change it. Sure, I’ve had to spend a disproportionate amount of money on tissues and mascara over the years but it’s my thing. And at least you know when I like your jokes.
You have to be comfortable with who you are and to enter into relationships as the real you – and to find somebody who wants you to do just that.
I showed my husband my funny elbows on our very first date. A bit forward, I know, but I decided we should put our vomit-inducing cards on the table early doors to save wasting anybody’s time.
He didn’t care at all. He laughed and held out his hand. It turns out one of his fingers bends the wrong way at the joint. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy.
Relationships aren’t about meeting somebody perfect, they’re about meeting somebody perfect for you. No matter how many traits and idiosyncrasies you bring to the party, the other person will have just as many. Sure, there might need to be a bit of compromising down the line if your imperfections include a penchant for depositing dirty socks around the house, or finishing your wife’s favourite ice cream and leaving the empty container in the freezer (just a couple of completely random examples I happened to think up…) but there’s plenty of time for that.
For now it’s about being proudly and unashamedly you. In my experience, anyone who wants you to be anything else simply isn’t worth the chase.
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